Thrifting with The Guru

It is relatively well known that Wednesdays are half-off days at the Salvation Army Thrift Stores. All shoes and clothes are half price, except for one color tag. I don't generally have Wednesday off, but I did this week. So my friend Ann (The Guru) and I decided to go. She never misses a half-off Wednesday if she is free.

We went to the huge store at 535 E Ridge Rd. It's huge. So, so, so many clothes.

When we walked through the door the jewelry counter is just to the right, so we stopped there first. Ann has a quick eye and picked out three pieces before I could blink. While she was having them set aside I went to the shoe section. I found TWO pairs of shoes in my size. Both Mudd brand, each $2 with the sale. Check it.

They both have pretty small heels, but enough so as to disguise the hideous cankles. And that really is the whole point.

Next it was off to dresses. This is where the Guru always hopes to hit it big. She loves dresses. I mean loves. And let's just put it out there right now, she's got a lot of them. As well as other kinds of clothes. Lots. More than anyone else I know. More than some stores. Her giant wardrobe is lovingly curated from a wide variety of thrift stores in our area. That's why she's The Guru. She puts in the time and is rewarded, more often than not. She also talks a good talk and gets others interested in thrifting as is her wont.

I found THREE dresses. This may seem like a small number to you, but I'm telling you...I have a hard body to fit. I'm 5'2" when I'm lying to make myself seem taller. I have giant breasts, a very small waist and a round thing in your face. Probably .00000000001% or less of the clothes on earth are created for people like me. I loathe shopping for clothes. I've even tried the really expensive stores, hoping that maybe if I shell out a little extra dough I'll be able to get something that at least fits right. No dice. Honestly, I do just as well at thrift stores, which is to say, generally not well at all. And with thrift stores at least it's reusing and cheap. Two things I love.

$2.50-Sfuzi(??)

I've already worn this hot little number. It's a little longer than most of my dresses. Goes all the way to my knees. One of those things you have to deal with when your legs are two inches long. This makes the third plaid dress I have. Get some tights, long socks and motorcycle boots and you are all set. Although the husband is not a fan of the motorcycle boots. He bought them, but he pretty much hates the things. I, on the other hand, love them!

$2.00-Mossimo/Target

It's going to have to be about 40 degrees warmer outside before I can wear this slinky thing. It looks sort of like a slip, but it's made of really soft cotton which sort of reminds me of cheese cloth or mummy wrappings. It hugs you in all the right places, and as discussed above, I have those places.

$2.00-Divided by H&M
Yep. I'm just going to let this one sink in for a minute.
...
Yep.

Firstly, I generally loathe yellow. I mean, I hate it. To death. I think I have maybe two t-shirts that are yellow. But, they are creamy lemon yellow. Not this color. I'm not sure I even knew this color existed. The Guru and I pulled it off the rack to sort of be like "WOW, look at this one! Holy cow, that is bright!" But then we were kind of taken with it by surprise. So I tried it on as a sort of joke thing and then we both really liked it. So I bought it, for all of $2. It's also obviously never been warn. Very cool.

I'm planning to wear it tonight, which is New Year's Eve. With hot pink tights. Because there is no toning this thing down, so you might as well go with it. And the little brown shoes from above. And obviously a sweater. Maybe the brown one that I'll show you in a minute. Check out the detail on this fabric pattern. Too. Stinking. Cute.

We decided it made me look like a cartoon character. In a good way.

$1.00-Old Navy

A staple. Black long sleeved shirt. I wear them all the time. I only currently have one, so I got another.

$2.00-Old Navy

The brown sweater I was talking about. Let's not mention the fact that I've got two others that are very similar, ok? Let's ignore the fact that I might have a problem. Oh good, I'm glad we're all on the same page. Sometimes I'm just a sucker for something this cheap that has cute detailing:

See what I mean?

$2.00-Mark by Avon

Avon isn't just for grandmothers anymore. By now you know that I love Avon. I've never had any Avon clothing though. This sweater has great texture and is very soft. The three small, brown buttons are all different from one another. Love! Great for the spring/summer over a little dress and also appropriate for fall/winter with a long sleeved something or other under it.

$2.99-Roxy

Now, as you can see, this is a green tag item. This means that it was not on sale. I splurged and paid all three dollars. Sometimes you just have to treat yourself, ya know? ;) It still has the original sale tag, as you can see. I'm exited to bring this one to Florida/Disney. It's sort of 80's and Tropical. Probably I'll wear it whilst listening to Kokomo and sipping a Pina Colada. Aw yeah.

$1.00-Muppets

I don't plan to actually wear this. It's not my size. But, it was a buck and well, you know. Muppets. You haven't seen the Muppet Room yet. Or, at least a few of you haven't. You aren't ready yet. It's too shocking. I do have a stack of Muppet clothes that I either don't wear anymore or aren't my size. I'm planning a quilt. At some point. Let's stop talking about it. Your stares are making me uncomfortable.

$2.99-Forever

This was also a green tag. I treated myself twice! I am very spoiled. This piece needs to visit an iron, but it's super cute and fits great. I love these little jacket things.

$2.99-Vintage

This little gem was hiding in a shopping cart near the check out. A whole cart of newly processed bags and purses. Yoink! Vintage and delicious! It wasn't on sale. OK, so I treated myself three times. Told you I was spoiled!

Speaking of shopping carts...while I was in the checkout line with a cart crammed full of our finds a little old lady sidles up to me. She says, "Are you in line to check out?" I tell her that I am, in fact. She then looks content, folds her hands in front of her on her pocket book and settles in. I shrug and think, "OK, weird. Apparently she wants to wait. With me. Right next to me, almost touching me. Alright." So I go on staring at her, not knowing quite what to do, trying to get The Guru's attention so that maybe she can help me decide what on earth is going on with grandma. Finally my stare must have actually started drilling through her head and causing her a bit of pain. She turned to me with a slightly condescending way and says, "Can I have your cart when you are done with it?" Like it's too obvious why we are standing so close we are practically sharing a coat. Once I realize what the eff is going on I start clawing my goods out of the cart so that she can take the durned thing and leave me some breathing space. It was weird.

Finale

Well, that's it. Christmas has come and gone. Time to get excited for Christmas next year. Don't think I won't do it, either. I love me some Christmas.

Here you will find all the lose ends that I have been meaning to tie up, with regards to Christmas.

The bedroom decorations:

A small shelf with tiny pastel hued trees.

My mom made this ceramic light up tree for me. It's white and pink with iridescent sparkles on it. It's blindingly beautiful. It's holding court on top of a vintage lucite purse that the husband bought for me one birthday.

This shelf sits high on the wall, near the ceiling. I bought a mini string of led battery powered lights for it this year. I'm not unhappy with the final outcome. The angel is a vintage tree topper. I don't use a tree topper on my tree. I always like the leave the slightly Seussian natural top. One long finger extending up.

Details of the bedroom tree village.

This tree was given to me by my grandmother. I think it may have been painted by my great grandmother back in the late 60's when this type of ceramic craft was all the rage. It's pretty large and sits atop the husband's dresser at Christmas time. He loves it.

I'm a great one for databasing and enumerating and listing. I have an ornament book. A book that I keep track of all the Christmas tree ornaments I get each year and who gave them to me. This is the kind of thing I do. The kind of thing I have to keep in check or it will become a real problem.

So, my first instinct is to, of course, list out all of my Christmas presents, the time and date I opened them, the type of wrapping paper that kept them secret, the gift giver, their date of birth and address, along with their blood type and social security number. I'm not going to do that. Know why? Because I'm strong. Oh, yes. I have will power.

I'm only going to show you a few. A very few. Because I'm strong. Even if it gives me the shakes and the sweats, I can do it.


These are my new pillow covers. I asked for some for my stocking. The husband and I exchange stockings as well as a gift. These are gorgeous and most definitely the nicest I have ever owned. They are organic as well! If you know anything about me, you know that organic is big. Green is good. I washed them up today and plan to pop those suckers on the pillows any minute now.

Muppet ornament! Of which I received two to add to my collection, this year! I have long coveted this particular ornament. The husband got him for me. He tried to win him on Ebay last year and was not successful. This year he was determined. It payed off. Gonzo is gorgeous. He was made the same year I was born! Not a scratch on him.


This little mouse sits on a match box. I think I have another accidental collection. If I'm counting correctly I have six Christmas matchboxes. Dear, oh dear. But, give this little guy a once over and you'll know why. You'll understand and won't judge. Right? I mean, because, if you were in my situation, you'd do the same thing for sure.

What's this? A busy Christmas elf! What is that he's making?

A beautiful pouch with fabric you might remember from here. You might wonder what was in the pouch.

Peek-A-Boo! There you are, you silly Kindle! What a lovely felt-lined protective pouch you came in!

And that genius boy even incorporated a holder on the back for comfortable reading. How thoughtful! He's the best!

I was a busy Christmas elf, too. The latest creation is the octopus with the beret. For my nephew Walter.

There is still one more gift to make and I'll be working on it all week!

We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Program...

To bring you something other than Christmas decor! Gasp! I know, right?

Instead I bring you...Christmas present. I made an apron for my godchild/niece, Emma. She's getting interested in helping her mother and grandmother bake and insists on wearing an apron. I made her one that is just her size. I embroidered one of the pockets with her initial and put a button from my grandmother's stash on the other. Emma's mother is my cousin, Deb, so it's pretty neat to incorporate something like that into the design. I think. I finished it with rick rack, because, what is an apron with no rick rack?



Sitting here, by the tree, watching Anne of Green Gables and listening to Rachel Lynde rant on about the Demon Liquor...all seems right with the world.

Now, onward. There are more presents to make. Like a plush octopus with a beret. Obviously.

Living Room

Yep. That's how it's going to be. I just wanted to let you know up front. Plus, if I get it over with right away, it's less apt to give you nightmares. I hope. I'm sure you'll feel better when you find out that I didn't pay for this particular gem. I'm not even real sure how or when I got it. But the important thing is, that I did. And, in case you are wondering..it's plastic, not porcelain or ceramic. I'm not the queen of England, over here! That's 100% unadulterated, painted plastic. With glitter. I feel like I could end most sentences that way. With glitter.

Next we move to the snowman vignette. These guys sort of developed into a collection without my knowledge or participation. One day I didn't have any, the next I had a whole family. They just sort of showed up. *shrug* The little angel is a candle. My grandmother had one just like it when I was little. She had another which was composed mostly of brown wax, where this one is yellow. I was convinced that they were, in fact, treats. I cannot tell you how many times I held them, smelled them and placed a tentative tongue to their surfaces. They never tasted like treats, but I tested them every year, just in case. I think they reminded me of pudding.


The mantle. More trees, lights and little houses. This is where the more subdued trees reside. No flashy red and white trees here.

Exhibit A.

Lots of vintage stuff.

The little truck is the husband's. It delivers trees to little paper houses every year, without fail.


The tree. This year we tried to rein it in a little. Ever since we moved in we've been getting progressively larger trees. Our house is small. But, on the other hand, our ornaments are many. This is our favorite type of tree to get. A Frasier fir. They are very skinny, fit well in small spaces and the needles are not sharp, they are rounded. The branches tend to be sturdy, too. For heavy ornaments. Of which, I have a few. I won't even bother to tell you about the very nearly avoided Christmas Tree Crisis. Suffice it to say it involved creating a large, tree sized flower frog. That's what we get for dialing it back.


This is one of my favorite ornaments. The husband got it for me, early in our relationship. I'm not sure if we were even married yet. I think it came from Pier 1. It's pretty big, but light as a feather. It reminds me of the claymation Christmas special: Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. You know? It's not perfectly round. I don't think it was made in a factory. Probably some little Chinese kid made 2,000 of them for 12 cents. Nicely done, kid. Nicely done. Probably someone from Pier 1 is going to come and have me arrested for saying that.


This is another favorite. My brother and I both have one. It's from Avon. I can't tell you how much I love Avon products. Just look at this guy! LOOK! It's ridiculously cute. Firstly, I love things that look like cookies and aren't. (I mean, I love things that look like cookies and are, too. Especially if I get to eat them.) Plus, the colors cause me joy that is close to physical pain. "Sea Green" as I call it, thanks to Crayola, was my favorite color when I was little. And it is again, now that I'm all growed up.


I ganked this guy from my mom. A teacher gave it to her when she was little. He's Humpty Dumpty. I believe he's Italian. He's actually listed in one of my Christmas collecting books. (Yes, one of them. As in, I have more than one.) Look at him. Little cutie. Over there flirting it up with Strawberry Shortcake. She's a strumpet.


This is our tree skirt. It's Martha Stewart. I think it was only like $20 or something. I had looked everywhere for a fun tree skirt. It took me forever to find one that I liked which was not $100. I nearly choked on tears of joy when I found this. It's got these trees all the way around, too! Come on people! Felt? Ric-rack? Mini pom-poms? The only way it could be made better? Come on, say it with me: With Glitter!!

Too true.

Bathroom

You know you've stepped across some sort of line when you begin decorating the bathroom for each holiday. You've turned your heart away from the familiar, the rational, the norm. Instead you look with greedy eyes on the only uncharted decorational territory in the house: the crapper.

You'll remember these from before. The silver tree is from Avon (How is it that I've never written a post on my love for all things Avon?!) a few years back and it lights up. We use it as a night light during the holiday season. Sometimes I stop to wonder if it's uncouth or even derogatory to decorate the back of one's toilet. Then I think of all of the other areas in my life that are uncouth and derogatory and I shrug and say "meh".

This is the scene above the toilet. Slightly less garish than the fall set up, surprisingly. The green glass tree on top is a vintage Avon perfume bottle. I used to have a giant collection of vintage Christmas Avon bottles. That collection had to go. It got the boot in one of my yearly purges. Only the trees remain to tell the tale.

This is my snowball garland. It was given to me by a friend's mother on one of our yearly holiday shopping trips to the Craft Antique Co-Op. It's very long and is draped above our medicine cabinet.


Lastly, we have Gene Frost. I drew him. I also made a little character guy out of clay and stuff. I gave him to Heather, so he doesn't live with me any more, but he looks just like this:

I did the drawing first, and was going to call him Jack Frost, of course. But then, I looked at him more closely. He reminded me of Gene Kelly for some reason. Maybe it's the eyebrows. And, you can bet your bottom dollar that Gene Frost can tap dance like nobody's business.

Kitchen

So...the kitchen. Our kitchen and dining room sort of run together. They aren't exactly two separate rooms. Therefore, this will be brief. Breathe easy.

We have a second window treatment, like the one in the dining room. Instead of being laden with Muppet ornaments, this one has red and white, to coordinate with...Christmas and...the kitchen. Vintage Santas, crocheted snowflake by my friend Ann and a felt Santa head made by my mom.

This bit escaped from the Muppet Corner. Can't contain them! I love when two collections overlap like this: Muppets AND Christmas. Gets the heart rate up there.


Now, this is a favorite of mine. It's a felt Hallmark advent calendar. I saw it in a magazine and nearly died, deciding that I just had to have one! It's a few years old and it cost a pretty penny. My mom bought it for me because she loves me soooo much! The star on the top plays music when you press on it and each day has a felt piece that magnets to the tree. My brother and I would have loved this when we were young. Sometimes I fantasize about us taking turns with the days and which pieces would have been our favorites. In reality I try to get the husband to take turns putting a piece on each day. He's half hearted about it to say the least. He sighs a deep sigh and rolls his eyes pointing to whichever piece is closest when I unfailingly ask him with piece is his favorite. Apparently some kids didn't grow up choosing their favorite of things. I call this child abuse.

In other news, I just got these as gifts from my friend LuLu. Don't look directly at them or they'll burn your eyes right out. Behold the glory! I cannot wait to find a spot for these beauties in The Cabinet.

I told you this would be short!