Old Man Winter

I can't decide if Old Man Winter is old because he's going to die soon or if he's old because he is cranky and spies on his neighbors. Either way he is breaking me, mind, body and spirit. How is it that this winter has lasted for two years? I swear it's been two years. The voices in my head tell me so.

Usually, I'm down with winter. Me and winter usually get along like gangbusters. Not so much this year. This year I want winter to die a very, very painful death. It seems like it started in about April of 2009 and hasn't stopped yet. Right now, there is a blizzard happening. An inch per hour for ten hours. This is like pouring bleach and salt and acid into the open gaping wound. Of a baby. That is what winter is doing to us. It's just so wrong that it's evil.

This is the first time on record that I want summer. Not even spring. Summer. I want 80 degrees and I've never wanted that in my whole time on this earth. I want a bathing suit, a swim up bar and about nine or ten fruity alcohol laced drinks. And the sun, oh mother I want the sunshine! The tropical paradise that I've been living in, inside of my head is getting alarmingly realistic. If winter doesn't quit it, I may be trapped there permanently.

I wish there was a restaurant in Rochester that had a tropical theme. With palm trees and they would crank the heat up to sweltering and you could go there to get ice cold drinks and fruit and ice cream and warmth! Warmth would be on the menu. It would be #1. I'll have the #1 please: Warmth with a side of fruit.

My hands are chapped, my lips are chapped, I can't even admit to places where I have chapping! Can I just tell you how sick I am of wearing layers? Ninety layers? Just to keep myself alive? Just to keep my fingers working on this keyboard? I'm sick to death of going around like Randy from A Christmas Story. "Put your arms down when you get to school." That's me, marshmallow woman.

Sometimes I think that the White Witch has us in her grip. Is it bound to be winter forever and never Christmas? I think maybe. I'll tell you what. If I could find Old Man Winter I'd kick him in the junk.