Thrifting with The Guru

It is relatively well known that Wednesdays are half-off days at the Salvation Army Thrift Stores. All shoes and clothes are half price, except for one color tag. I don't generally have Wednesday off, but I did this week. So my friend Ann (The Guru) and I decided to go. She never misses a half-off Wednesday if she is free.

We went to the huge store at 535 E Ridge Rd. It's huge. So, so, so many clothes.

When we walked through the door the jewelry counter is just to the right, so we stopped there first. Ann has a quick eye and picked out three pieces before I could blink. While she was having them set aside I went to the shoe section. I found TWO pairs of shoes in my size. Both Mudd brand, each $2 with the sale. Check it.

They both have pretty small heels, but enough so as to disguise the hideous cankles. And that really is the whole point.

Next it was off to dresses. This is where the Guru always hopes to hit it big. She loves dresses. I mean loves. And let's just put it out there right now, she's got a lot of them. As well as other kinds of clothes. Lots. More than anyone else I know. More than some stores. Her giant wardrobe is lovingly curated from a wide variety of thrift stores in our area. That's why she's The Guru. She puts in the time and is rewarded, more often than not. She also talks a good talk and gets others interested in thrifting as is her wont.

I found THREE dresses. This may seem like a small number to you, but I'm telling you...I have a hard body to fit. I'm 5'2" when I'm lying to make myself seem taller. I have giant breasts, a very small waist and a round thing in your face. Probably .00000000001% or less of the clothes on earth are created for people like me. I loathe shopping for clothes. I've even tried the really expensive stores, hoping that maybe if I shell out a little extra dough I'll be able to get something that at least fits right. No dice. Honestly, I do just as well at thrift stores, which is to say, generally not well at all. And with thrift stores at least it's reusing and cheap. Two things I love.

$2.50-Sfuzi(??)

I've already worn this hot little number. It's a little longer than most of my dresses. Goes all the way to my knees. One of those things you have to deal with when your legs are two inches long. This makes the third plaid dress I have. Get some tights, long socks and motorcycle boots and you are all set. Although the husband is not a fan of the motorcycle boots. He bought them, but he pretty much hates the things. I, on the other hand, love them!

$2.00-Mossimo/Target

It's going to have to be about 40 degrees warmer outside before I can wear this slinky thing. It looks sort of like a slip, but it's made of really soft cotton which sort of reminds me of cheese cloth or mummy wrappings. It hugs you in all the right places, and as discussed above, I have those places.

$2.00-Divided by H&M
Yep. I'm just going to let this one sink in for a minute.
...
Yep.

Firstly, I generally loathe yellow. I mean, I hate it. To death. I think I have maybe two t-shirts that are yellow. But, they are creamy lemon yellow. Not this color. I'm not sure I even knew this color existed. The Guru and I pulled it off the rack to sort of be like "WOW, look at this one! Holy cow, that is bright!" But then we were kind of taken with it by surprise. So I tried it on as a sort of joke thing and then we both really liked it. So I bought it, for all of $2. It's also obviously never been warn. Very cool.

I'm planning to wear it tonight, which is New Year's Eve. With hot pink tights. Because there is no toning this thing down, so you might as well go with it. And the little brown shoes from above. And obviously a sweater. Maybe the brown one that I'll show you in a minute. Check out the detail on this fabric pattern. Too. Stinking. Cute.

We decided it made me look like a cartoon character. In a good way.

$1.00-Old Navy

A staple. Black long sleeved shirt. I wear them all the time. I only currently have one, so I got another.

$2.00-Old Navy

The brown sweater I was talking about. Let's not mention the fact that I've got two others that are very similar, ok? Let's ignore the fact that I might have a problem. Oh good, I'm glad we're all on the same page. Sometimes I'm just a sucker for something this cheap that has cute detailing:

See what I mean?

$2.00-Mark by Avon

Avon isn't just for grandmothers anymore. By now you know that I love Avon. I've never had any Avon clothing though. This sweater has great texture and is very soft. The three small, brown buttons are all different from one another. Love! Great for the spring/summer over a little dress and also appropriate for fall/winter with a long sleeved something or other under it.

$2.99-Roxy

Now, as you can see, this is a green tag item. This means that it was not on sale. I splurged and paid all three dollars. Sometimes you just have to treat yourself, ya know? ;) It still has the original sale tag, as you can see. I'm exited to bring this one to Florida/Disney. It's sort of 80's and Tropical. Probably I'll wear it whilst listening to Kokomo and sipping a Pina Colada. Aw yeah.

$1.00-Muppets

I don't plan to actually wear this. It's not my size. But, it was a buck and well, you know. Muppets. You haven't seen the Muppet Room yet. Or, at least a few of you haven't. You aren't ready yet. It's too shocking. I do have a stack of Muppet clothes that I either don't wear anymore or aren't my size. I'm planning a quilt. At some point. Let's stop talking about it. Your stares are making me uncomfortable.

$2.99-Forever

This was also a green tag. I treated myself twice! I am very spoiled. This piece needs to visit an iron, but it's super cute and fits great. I love these little jacket things.

$2.99-Vintage

This little gem was hiding in a shopping cart near the check out. A whole cart of newly processed bags and purses. Yoink! Vintage and delicious! It wasn't on sale. OK, so I treated myself three times. Told you I was spoiled!

Speaking of shopping carts...while I was in the checkout line with a cart crammed full of our finds a little old lady sidles up to me. She says, "Are you in line to check out?" I tell her that I am, in fact. She then looks content, folds her hands in front of her on her pocket book and settles in. I shrug and think, "OK, weird. Apparently she wants to wait. With me. Right next to me, almost touching me. Alright." So I go on staring at her, not knowing quite what to do, trying to get The Guru's attention so that maybe she can help me decide what on earth is going on with grandma. Finally my stare must have actually started drilling through her head and causing her a bit of pain. She turned to me with a slightly condescending way and says, "Can I have your cart when you are done with it?" Like it's too obvious why we are standing so close we are practically sharing a coat. Once I realize what the eff is going on I start clawing my goods out of the cart so that she can take the durned thing and leave me some breathing space. It was weird.